Romance and Submission

[RichardEvansLee]

(Not by me: Old newsgroup posting.)

For me romantic love and submission are hopelessly intertwined, in fact I can safely say they are one and the same. That is not say I cannot enjoy a good whipping from a recently met acquaintance, but I believe that is more masochistic than submissive.

In that love, romantic or otherwise has an element of putting another’s likes, interests, satisfaction ahead of one’s own, of submerging one’s self, it is submissive. Generally love is not looked at and defined as submission. The emotional rituals of courting in a vanilla relationships are very similiar to those establishing a D/s relationship.

However, in a vanilla relationship one doesn’t get all the wonderful kinky stuff. Too often people define D/s in terms of bondage, whips, chains and etc, but those are a fun expansion of one’s sex life. If dominance and submission were not a part of our emotional and psychological make up we would not have individuals who identify themselves as sub or dom.

My guess is if someone finds romantic love incompatible with submission, for him, at the current time, the two are incompatible. My problem is I’ve always found romantic love impossible without submission.

[roo-roo]

The two are very much intertwined for me.  Casual play, as already said, is more masochism and/or "light" submission.  That's why I could never be part of a "stable" of subs; if I'm giving large amounts of love, I expect the same.  And that's just not possible when she's got ten others she's splitting her time with.

[MissBonnie]

I tried the stable of submissives. I found with out the romantic love side to it I just couldn't get my 'head into the game' I went through the motions, I achieved the results I was looking for, but an element was always missing. I enjoyed the varied play styles but never reached with them the high point of their submission like I have when romantic love was thrown in the mix.

And that's just not possible when she's got ten others she's splitting her time with.

ten! how do they do it. I have enough troubles with three 

[SisMithra]

that's really interesting. i'm married but my husband and i don't have the kinky stuff in any huge way. i would rather be dominated by a woman. so that brings up an interesting point that perhaps my relationship with a Domme would only go so far because i can't get emotionally involved with her. I have always linked sex and emotion. to me, being dominated has such a charge of emotion with it that maybe i am destined to not quite reach that deep place with a domme if i am not romantically involved with her.

hmmmm....

[RichardEvansLee]

have always linked sex and emotion. to me, being dominated has such a charge of emotion with it that maybe i am destined to not quite reach that deep place with a domme if i am not romantically involved with her.

I can't imagine submitting to someone without having warm feelings for her/him. My submissiveness seems to come from the part of me connected with love and affection.

I think you'll find most people feel that D/s is enriched by intimacy.

[SisMithra]

i like that a d/s relationship is intimate - it must be. you can probably get something out of it if it isn't, but it would be so much more rich if the intimacy was there.

i definitely agree. i think it's a matter of finding someone that i can get to know first before giving them that control over me.

[Mule]

For me, relationship is everything.

I care about people, and it makes me feel good to know when somebody else likes what I have done for them.

However, that feeling is multiplied a lot when I really like the person I'm pleasing.