Friendships bet Doms/Subs

[SisMithra]

Hello. I was posting in a different thread when i realized that i had another issue about which i was curious.

When you are in a play relationship with your Dom/me or sub, do you become friends with them, or is it strictly BDSM play? Does it depend on how well you get along? Like, if you hang out with that person, is there a definite line drawn between when domination/submission takes place, and when it's only "friend" time?

I imagine there are all kind of relationships out there - but i would think that first there would be clarity about what type of dynamic it's going to be and both parties would agree to it....?

I was hanging out with this Domme for a while. Some stuff happened, and she felt that I'd done something messed up in a social situation. She sent me a text that I felt was pretty accusative - the vibe i got was "you suck for ruining my friends' vacation." I called her to apologize, left a message. texted her- no response. But funny thing, when my husband texted her to apologize (he'd been there too), she texted him back in a pretty short amount of time. She replied to him multiple times and said that she was just 'venting' to me. But never ever texted me/called me back to address it.

That raised a red flag w/me. I mean, she had been really into me in the beginning. Now i was feeling like she thought of me less as a friend and more of a fucktoy - and if that was the way it was going to be, maybe we should have talked about it instead of her just deciding over time that i wasn't going to be worth even texting a reply to.

Has anything like this ever happened to anyone? It was almost as if she hadn't gotten the responses she wanted from me and so decided to just be done.

A couple weeks earlier, she had given me a task that i was to complete w/my husband, of a sexual nature, and send her photo evidence. Well, i didn't because i got sick and then after that i had a cold sore. so i figure it displeased her that i didn't do what she told me to, but her whole detachment from me just felt so... cold and callous. And that is very different from the way she describes herself in her ads and stuff for her business - she also does it as a job.

So... am i being too sensitive? Do i have the right to expect that it's possible to be friends with my Domina as well as her sub? And that there will be the common courtesy/respect that friends have together?

[roo-roo]

With me, the friendship is always there.  Basic respect is a requirement. 

[RichardEvansLee]

So... am i being too sensitive? Do i have the right to expect that it's possible to be friends with my Domina as well as her sub? And that there will be the common courtesy/respect that friends have together?

No, you aren't being too sensitive. A power exchange relationship isn't an invitation to be a jerk. (Unless jerkiness - insensitivity - has been specified in advance.)

Some people aren't good at friendships in either vanilla or kink life. And the top in question may not have how you are to be treated clear in her own mind.

[SisMithra]

that's kind of what i thought. it's too bad because i really liked her as a person and liked playing with her. there were some "warnings" before - she told me that she thinks girls play games all the time. but uh.... not all girls do. just as some boys do and don't. i think she gets along better w/boys, so that would explain part of it. too bad.