For the dommes - how do you separate the wheat from the chaffe?

[Mule]

I think that this topic would be of interest to wannabe subs.

I've written stories from the female point of view and because of this, some people have mistaken me for a dominant female. As such, I have gotten a number of immodest proposals that made me feel ashamed to be associated with my own sex. Surely we guys can do better than that! I also hear a lot from dommes about the clueless subs who contact them with all kinds of crude proposals.

I've seen some of these. Back in the day when Ms. Amity and I were collaborating on a story, she'd forward some of these to me, and I would have fun lampooning them back. There might have been some vicarious pleasure being dissed by a domme, but to be dissed by her sub?

I also had a hand in getting a domme-sub couple together (they eventually married).

So I know some of what I speak.

So now to the questions: You're a dominant female, you are besieged with gigabytes of  "Do me" requests from clueless subs. How do you handle this? If you are in a relationship, how did you find your partner? What did he do that impressed you that others failed to do. What can a sub do to stand out from the crowd (when it is obvious that sending you a picture of his penis isn't enough)?

[MissBonnie]

I meet my current partner of 13 years in a vanilla setting at a mutual friends party. Prior to that, I didn't have the internet and had to rely on kinky dating magazines. I loved the effort that went into 'introductions' way back then in the dino days of pen of paper. The internet is fantastic and great tool, but I think what occurs is 'some' subs forget to try, and show us women that they are more than a 'cock'

Most guys just do not present themselves well when responding to an ad, placing an ad, or requesting attention from a Domme, or even filling out a online profile. You need to stand out from the crowd if you want to get a response.

Hers a few of my most recent one line PM and Emails. I has of course changed the Email addresses to protect them (why I have no idea  )

"I'm a sub...I read your profile I see you like bondage.... If you would like to tie me up or watch my cam... add me manwthdic@yahoo.domemenow

 "I want 2 serve u. I think u r a Goddess."

"I need a dom can u help me"

"if you would like to domme me I can be contacted on desperateanddateless@yahoo.wannabe"

"domin8 me I want sex will you fuk me on cam"

"i would love to chat with you more , if you want we can talk on yahoo messenger if you have an id there. I'm interested mainly in d/s , femdom , foot-fetish , discipline, humiliation, spanking , body-worship "

"hi im new to this and looking for someone to show me the way would love to chat to u at some point i will send my chat line details if u respond. regards smuttypuppet"

"Mistress Bonnie,
I am totally new to this site, so I am not sure of the procedure / niceties, so please forgive.
I read you are into webcam sex, which is my fetish
I am Simon, 23, Birmingham, UK."


Dear Miss Bonnie
Apart from how gorgeous You are, Your profile made me rub myself and go and masturbate after i had read it numerous times. You express Yourself so beautifully and with such sensuality that You had me sweating slightly just thinking about what You said.
Naked on my hands and knees,
flexibleboy


hi miss, my names shane, im living in thailand 16 month now and looking for a mistress into bdsm, id like to be your slave were about are you? im in phuket here is my email mycapskeyismissing!@aol.com.... contact me.

Ohboyherewego  32 male from england.... love to meet u in a dark alley lol x
R u lookin 4 a slave to dress and use as a slut? X please get back to me x

hey whats up,so would you get freaky enough to bend a guy over and fuck him with a strap-on?I would let you(females only) as long as it"s not over 12 inches. Would you do that to a guy if you had the chance?Lovely pic


You can bet hundreds if thousands of other submissive males have sent something similar. If your sitting here reading the above and saying to yourself "what's wrong with those examples" ...they don't work gents!

So now to the questions: You're a dominant female, you are besieged with gigabytes of  "Do me" requests from clueless subs. How do you handle this?

I use file13 for these type of 'contact'..file13 is otherwise known as delete!
The first thing I suggest subs do :is read the profile of the Dominant your contacting. What are HER interests (Femdom and other) Remember to treat her as person and not fetish fantasy you need to for-fill YOUR dream.

I could write book on this topic, great topic Mule. I'll be back to write some on this later

[roo-roo]

I'm not a domme, but I'm going to answer anyway. 

Treat her as a person.  And treat yourself as a person.  Be respectful, but not obsequious.  Don't take the "all about the domme" approach, also known as the "whatever you want" approach; it's boring, and it shows that you have no interests, life, or opinions of your own. 

[Mule]

Thank you MissBonnie and Roo-Roo. Most guys need all the help they can get.

I think it's a little easier for us guys who pre-date the internet and text messaging. We actually had to meet people and use social skills.

[MissBonnie]

I'm jumping in again, if your new and just starting out..please...please think about your user name! 

I swear if I read one more email from the likes of 'camslave' 'Dommemeplz' 'slavepet4urdesires' I will scream and run off to a nunnery (ok that's extreme but you get the idea  )

People often choose “scene” names when they join the larger online community, figuring on hiding their identity as much as possible. of course--those who do most commonly do it because they have an image- sensitive job, or kids, or both. They feel calling themselves a different name in the kink community gives them a layer of protection against being outed.

There are legions of novices, and so we end up with a lot of scene names which sound just like any other name - James, Thomas, Bob, Bruce etc. Also common are names which have a submissive, sexual, or gender neutral quality such as Yielding, Candy, or Jamie.

Players also take on Nicknames/mom De plumes/ user names which express their orientation by use of an appellation. Examples are Madam Dragonfly, Domina Purple, Lady Night, and Mistress Tart. Some incorporate their interests into their names such as Mistress Stern, LadyLatex. It’s a bit harder for Submissives, who usually use tags such as frank, boy of MistressJoanna; clyde, property of Mistress Bonnie. There used to be very few which use the actual words of their orientation such as Submissive Steve or Slave Micheal but these are now occurring more often.

Also occurring is annoying frequency is 'sub4u' 'dommemenow' 'camslave' I'd like to be severe with you people and insist that you start exercising both some creativity and some restraint in this matter, because I'm noticing certain unacceptable trends. I'm too late for the perverts who've already chosen scene names, but let me lay out some rules for all those fledgling Jimmys and Jennifers who are poised on the brink of reinventing themselves.

1. You absolutely may not use Dog, sissy, Wolf, Bear, Hawk, Dragon, Angel or sub, slave in any form. There are already way too many people using these names. I'm thinking of instituting a Kinky Names Registry, and anyone who wants one of those names will have to get  to get on a list and wait until someone who's already using it either dies or goes vanilla (which I see as roughly the same thing).

2. You must choose a name that people can say without snickering. By "people," I mean me :LOL: . I'm fine with unusual names, but there's a difference between being unusual and being ridiculously descriptive and self-aggrandizing. I am simply not going to address you as "Sexysub"--unless I've got a handful of your hair in one fist and the other one is up your... oh, never mind. I'm just not. I'm also not going to call you SteelDom or SweetSub. If you want to style yourself thus stop reading now. You wont get to far with in community and might as well give up now... go ahead if you wish. But if you introduce yourself to me like that at a party, I'm going walk away and so will most dominants. Use your brains your screen name will stick with you for a long time.

[Mule]

1. You absolutely may not use Dog, sissy, Wolf, Bear, Hawk, Dragon,

How about Mule?

I'm thinking of instituting a Kinky Names Registry, and anyone who wants one of those names will have to get  to get on a list and wait until someone who's already using it either dies or goes vanilla (which I see as roughly the same thing).

I plan on living until I'm 104, so Mule will be tied up for a while. But I'll start taking bids to pass it on. :-).

[MissBonnie]

You are the only mule I know. So it makes for a perfect name

What only a 104!   

[make me write bad checks]

I plan on living until I'm 104, so Mule will be tied up for a while. But I'll start taking bids to pass it on. :-).

A Jewish blessing for you, Mule:
May you live to be 120, plus 3 months.

Why 3 months?  I wouldn't want you should die suddenly.
(This is Jewish humor.  )


Back to the topic - I wonder if the guys with the "backdoorslut4u@fukme.com" names are somewhat like me?  They are in actuality, domineering masochists.  They want to be spanked the way they like it, forced to perform sexual acts that they like, "humiliated" by doing all this in front of other women because it turns them on.  Ah well, too bad for them, I found my hubby first (and he's str8). 
 

[Mule]

Why 3 months?  I wouldn't want you should die suddenly.
(This is Jewish humor.  )
I can do Jewish! I grew up in Brooklyn. Maseltov!

The way I often describe the job hunting process is to compare it to a courtship. In this case, I think I'll compare the courtship of a domme to the job hunting process.

One of the most important weapons in your job hunting arsenal is your "elevator speech" or "30-second commercial." This is your response to when people ask you, "So what do you do?"

If you come back with something like, "I want a $100K job staying at home testing video games," you're not going to get a lot of leads. You have to tell people what you DO not what you WANT. People are not interested in what you want, they are interested in what you can do for them. And this is not a laundry list of specific things you like to do. Nor is it "I'll do anything!"