where have all the gentlemen gone?

[korset]

it always amazed me than when men
claim they are looking for a LTR
and when you actually ask them for a polite letter of introduction
(stressing that you want to know about their vanilla hobbies and interests)and request they tell you about themselves as a person ,
90% of the time they tell you all about their penis
(even send you unrequested nude closeup of their penis)
ha ha ha,though not so funny when  it has happened one too many times
 (not what I would call a polite introduction)
or a greatly detailed fantasy(erotic writing exercise)
 but neglect to  introduce themselves as a human being.
(and especially forget to mention they have live- in girlfriend or wife,
pretty important factor to leave out)
 I tend to want to clear up that kind of detail right away,
as I  am only interested in someone who is sincerer honesty AND available and in the mood for a whole relationship
(with someone I actually have things in common with
outside the playroom)

Did their mommies not teach them how to talk to a woman (a Lady)
have they forgotten that we are also Women,Ladies,Human beings
 (and not just fantasy elements) where have all the "gentlemen" gone?(their must be some out there)

and for those of you who have met someone worth sharing your life with ,where did you meet your LTR?

[roo-roo]

The amount of morons out there amazes me.  I agree, there are lots of guys who are out to use women for some jerk-off fantasy.  And yes, whether or not someone is in a relationship is a very important thing to mention.  Deliberately leaving it out is no different than flat-out lying.  That's not some little thing that someone can just forget to mention.  

If people would just be honest about what they're after, things would be so much easier.  I see nothing wrong with looking for sex (kinky or otherwise) or a casual play partner.  But peoples' intentions aren't always clear; one may be looking for a solid monogamous relationship, others look for occasional play, for poly, or maybe just want to talk about (or act out) their fantasies online.  

While it's not as bad on the subs' side of it, we still run into our share of assbuckets.........people who think dominance means sitting back being lazy and greedy, people who assume the relationship revolves around them and that the sub's needs aren't important, people with unrealistic expectations, etc.  They forget that a d/s relationship is still a relationship........with a real person, not a submission machine.  It seems people who forget they're dealing with a real person are a universal problem.  

I imagine a lot of this happens because people either assume everyone else is looking for the same thing they are, or that people just forget that the person on the other end of that e-mail/forum/chat room is a real person.

[Mule]

I lived in an age where civil courtesy was observed. These days faded along with the TV repair man.

I was taught to tip my hat to a lady, address her as ma'am, hold a door for her, etc. Of course ladies didn't push you aside to get to the door first in those days.

Civility is lost. People feel entitled to be in front of you in line, to have your possessions, or just "more" than anyone else.

So why shouldn't this spill over to BDSM? I'm the sub, I'm doing you this favor, you should be honored that I allow you to "do me." After all, I am entitled to MY pleasure.

Of course, don't listen to my ramblings, I'm just an old man who has Don Quixote as a role model.

Korset, I think you are right. Moms don't teach this anymore. More importantly dads don't set the example anymore either.

[RichardEvansLee]

Did their mommies not teach them how to talk to a woman (a Lady)

Having used the web to meet both men and women, D/s and just plain potential friends / partners these guys just don't know how to talk to human beings as human beings.

and for those of you who have met someone worth sharing your life with ,where did you meet your LTR?

I met someone that I lived with for five years on AOL. It proved a mess but that wasn't a fault of online meetings.

I met Alexandra (Sensual Sadist) on Yahoo. But it wasn't in a dating context. It was a friendship that over many years ripened into something more.

[Devastating]

I am so not into the whole lady/gentleman/chivalry thing; I can't tell you how much it repels me.  One of the earliest requests I made of my now-submissive was that he not open doors for me.  Heh.

That's not to be confused with treating women as humans, which I'm completely in favor of.  But I really don't think men treated women better, overall, in the past than now.  They were more constrained (as were the women), but that just meant women being objectified in a different style, and even really decent human beings had a more difficult time being open with one another than now.

Oops, I did not mean to go on a rant.  In answer to the original post, I don't think you can do d/s with someone who isn't honest with you.  Period.  Everyone lies/"spins"/obfuscates sometimes, out of confusion or self-protection or weakness, but being fundamentally dishonest right out of the gate has to be an instant disqualifier.  It just has to be.

[Mule]

The new golden rule: Do unto others before others do unto you.

[orange_bandit]

Since I started to respond to some adds improperly (and created 1) just recently, I can give you insight about what I did, and (hopefully) why. I started to look for a woman thats into female domination relation on a website where local dommes and subs post they ads. Some of the ads were very brief, and most of them concerned intimate interests (like bondage) and since you usually list sex-related information, I started to talk about my fantasies, doing something you normally dont, and I did not realize that I it does not mean I may leave out the stuff you normally give while dating. (just who you really are). I just happened to me that I "switched on" my kinkiness but I "switched off" my good manners (open for discussion,anyway..)

Hope it makes some sense

[switch]

Since I started to respond to some adds improperly (and created 1) just recently, I can give you insight about what I did, and (hopefully) why. I started to look for a woman thats into female domination relation on a website where local dommes and subs post they ads. Some of the ads were very brief, and most of them concerned intimate interests (like bondage) and since you usually list sex-related information, I started to talk about my fantasies, doing something you normally dont, and I did not realize that I it does not mean I may leave out the stuff you normally give while dating. (just who you really are). I just happened to me that I "switched on" my kinkiness but I "switched off" my good manners (open for discussion,anyway..)

Hope it makes some sense

I does make some sense.  She talks sex so you respond with sex.

But try to think of it the way you think of an ad in which a women says she is straight.  She tells you she is heterosexual because she wants to meet straight men, not because she wants to jump into bed with them after three minites of on-line chat.  :shock:  The same is true in the world of kink.  She tells you she is kinky and dominate because she wants to meet men who are kinky and submissive, not because she wants to whip them after three minuites of on-line chat.

So you made a mistake.  Well now you know better.  :wink:  I don't mean to rub your nose it, but there is a section here you might want to read. http://www.fetishlore.com/viewtopic.php?t=144  Your mistake is, as you will discover in the thread I've referenced, a very common mistake.

[orange_bandit]

I found it already ..) These to discusions helped me realize the concept, thanks. Now I just need you to make all the Adds made by dominant women honest and more specific, and online dating will be perfect ./

[SirJ]

That's, like, a whole lotta questions all at once! Bear with Me.. it's spoken to Me rather unexpectedly.
I consider Myself to be a Gentleman.. in the old school meaning of the world, but at the same time, not in a chauvinistic way.
To Me, it is part of My responsibility as her Dom to care FOR and ABOUT her that inspires Me to act with chivalry.. I open doors, hold chairs and coats, walk on the outside of the sidewalk, precede her into unknown places, and order food for her (she tells me in advance what she'd like if she has a preference- I don't read minds).. and it's all done out of respect and caring for her, not because I think she's incapable or weak.. far from it, actually. She's one tough cookie, My babygirl.
When meeting anyone for the first time, no matter what or who they are, I offer honesty, courtesy, and respect first. If anyone doesn't deserve these things, they'll rapidly demonstrate that.
And for the record.. it was My grandfather that truly explained what chivalry and gentlemanly behavior were. (Yeah, Mom reinforced it, lol. )

Yes.. I live in a LTR.. we've known each other for 13 years, were part of a triad back then, and reunited in 2007 as a poly couple, but found rapidly that our interest was too tightly focused on each other for secondary/tertiary relationships to interest us. Our D/s relationship has developed this time around, slowly, and we are engaged to marry next year. We met when I was the DJ and she a patron in a nightclub. She was part of the triad within a year, but My ex wife (not sub) ended that badly and I lost her for a while.
Our reunion occurred online, but of course we were having lunch in a few weeks, and were back together in a few months.
I treat her with respect and civility because she is My treasure, someone I missed and mourned for years, and someone I value beyond nearly life itself. Her Gift of submission was unexpected, and it is invaluable to Me.
Gentlemen are not "gone", chivalry is not dead.. but unfortunately, it's gone deep underground, sometimes. The anonymity of the internet can bring out the worst of some of us... how about 3 cheers for the rest of us!