Fetish Lore

[Mule]

Although I had sexual fantasies about female domination that go back as far as my earliest recollections, I always had a separation between "real life" and fantasy.

As a child, I often masturbated to the idea of being dominated by girls in several scenarios which usually consisted of being kidnapped, bound (sometimes), stripped and masturbated by them. Even then, I wasn't into pain. My theory as to how these fantasies evolved is that I had (and hopefully still have) an imagination that is stuck in overdrive.

I didn't have a sexual or romantic interest in girls until I was 15 years old. Even by the standards of the day, that was rather late for getting into the race. In part this has to do with my physiology. I was late going through puberty and didn't finish until I was about 25 -- I was "carded" as late as age 25 in states where the legal drinking age was 18 (back in the day).

I did not want to date a girl that would do the things in my fantasies. I was attracted to active, confident girls with strong personalities, but the thought of one of them dominating me just didn't occur. The two worlds were entirely separate. It wasn't until I was married to Mrs. Mule for a couple of years that I could first talk about it to anyone, and could even think about combining the two.

So the two aspects developed separately. I was extremely precocious coming to BDSM (about age 5 or 6!) but very late coming to the table in sexuality.

I wonder how common this is? I get the impression that for some people, BDSM is "an integral part of the operating system" and cannot be separated from sexuality. In me there may be interfaces, but they are clearly two separate programs.
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Cogito ergo cum - I kink, therefore I am

[quesera]

I think I have spoken of this before here, but I was also precocious in fantasizing about domination, specifically having power over another's body and emotions, with bondage, nudity (theirs, never mine), and sexual viewing, touching, and manipulation (also strictly one-way). I too was about six when I started imagining these "stories."

I had no concept of actual sexual relationships of course, and only the merest knowledge of sexual arousal. My first subjects in these fantasies were attractive young adult women I knew who were not family members, and the sexual components of the fantasies were focused on the breasts, as I didn't know about the other parts yet.

In second and third grade, I was "mentored," as it were, by an older girl in my neighborhood with whom I often played. She was about five years older than me, putting her in middle school. She had some very sadistic sexually-themed fantasies that she liked to have me help her act out. I can still recall these in some detail. Themes included luring/kidnapping, physical and sexual torture, bondage, lots of threats, and finally, cutting, amputation, or outright murder, often with cannibalization. I sometimes played the victim, sometimes the co-conspirator in these roleplays. I always identified with the dominator, though. It was my only experience at bottoming, in a way!

By fourth grade I had begun to become interested in boys and had a few crushes. My understanding of anatomy and sexuality, although still immature, had developed enough to allow my fantasies to include specific sexual torture acts with both boys and girls as subjects. Much of my fantasies at this age were, as before, more about psychological and emotional domination than sex, but they always had elements of sexual teasing and denial. My own fantasies never included the harsher topics of my older friend. They just didn't excite me like they did for her. In fact any kind of play that inflicts injury -- aside from a few cane stripes or a light paddling bruise -- is a turnoff to this day.

Over the next seven years my fantasies evolved and kept me quite entertained and horny. But, in public life I was busy being an A student and participating in a very full school and social life. Choir, drama club, French club, track, bowling league, and (oh yeah!) church youth group.

At sixteen I had my first serious boyfriend. As luck would have it (or did I somehow know??) he enjoyed bondage, teasing, slapping, humiliation/domination roleplay, and anal play. As I recall we went about six months before having sex, but once we did, we were doing all of the d/s stuff pretty soon. We dated until after I graduated high school, about three years.

And now you know the rest of the story. He he.

Anyone else?
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~~QueSera


"On ruins one can begin to build. Anyhow, looking out from ruins one clearly sees; there are no obstructing walls." ~~ Rose Macaulay

[Raymond]

I first became aware of my kinky fantasies when I was five. I was in first grade in a school where paddling was common, and the thought of watching a girl from my class get spanked, or getting spanked myself, had some unexplainable attraction to me. My mental life developed through the years as adding new knowledge increased the level of sophistication, but I never did act on any of these ideas with anyone for fear that I was the only one and I would be put away in a nut house if anyone found out.

I do believe that most of my personal kinks came from my early childhood experiences with non consensual CP, though I do not think it was the source of the overall kink, if you follow me. In other words, I had the general BDSM desire, and my childhood spankings only served to fill in the details of my fantasies. For example, the first school paddling I got I was taken into the hallway in second grade and the teacher just grabbed me by the left arm and spanked in the standing position. Meanwhile, there were two other kids in the hall getting some water at the time, and they stopped and watched, slack-jawed, for the whole event. To this day, those two elements: the standing position and third party witnesses, are very heavy themes in my fantasies and in my fiction. Even now, I can vividly recall watching them watching me and can even recall what I was thinking about it, but I don't recall what the paddle felt like at all. At that early stage of my evolution, the actual pain took a back seat to the embarrassment factor and it never took the lead again. This fascination with the shame element led into strong ideas of the relationship between Top and bottom so that I quickly found it impossible to get anything out of spankings that did not have a relationship history attached to them. This came full circle when I was 23. I had just graduated college, and applied to teach at a little school only to find out that the principal of the school was my old sixth grade teacher, who had paddled me before. Now, she was my boss and professional peer, but she always had that paddle over my head, at least in my mind.

It was in college that I finally came to terms with my kink and realized that I was not the only nut in the bowl. One weekend I inadvertantly rented Exit to Eden because I thought it was just a comedy and I needed a good laugh. I was most surprised to see mainstream actors like Dana Delaney and Dan Ackroyd in a movie about sexual domination and spanking and such. This first opened my eyes to the fact that there was a whole world of people out there like me, more or less, and that my fantasies did not qualify me for the loony bin. This revelation led me to do serious research on the subject, and the first book I bought about it was Different Loving (Brame, Brame and Jacobs, 1993) which gave me a real world introduction to BDSM. From there I bought more books and did more research, eventually going online and discovering that spanking is extremely popular in cyberspace, at least.

These days I am absolutely comfortable with my kink and am married to a woman of similar interests, so my butt stays happily red a good deal of the time. I have gone from being ultra secretive about it to being totally open. My mother, all of my family, most of my friends and co workers, and my in-laws all know about my fetish. I couldn't be more 'out' if I hung a giant neon BDSM emblem on the front of my house. So, I was an early mental bloomer, but late physically, not actually doing anything until young adulthood.

[almost]

[After(the)Fall]

Hmmm.....seems to be a trend. Some of my fantasies of being dominated go back as far as i can think.....I would make elaborate scenarios, and try to get as far as I could before i fell asleep. Sometimes they would go for weeks!

I couldn't have been more than 6 or 7. So, funnily enough, alot of them were based in Star Wars and other sci-fi/fantasy stuff i was into as a little kid.

I didn't start thinking about no-shit sex until at least 12 or 13.
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I bring no witty charade.

[Mule]

[Raymond]

Yeah, I was going to ask the same thing.

As for Star Wars, I also developed a fantasy life based around sci-fi that has kept up with me to this day. Even now, the fiction that I write is set in space, or the far future, or whatever. Of course, that makes it convenient to explain why CP of adults is accepted by all of the characters as normal. Perhaps it will be that way in the future. On the other hand, I always have an issue with a character on a starship pulling out an old wooden paddle to discipline a crew member. It just looks out of place.

[lavender scorpion]

[After(the)Fall]

[switch]

I can't remember when I didn't have daydreams (or really waiting to fall asleep dreams) about torture and domination. I made up stories involving people I knew. There was not sex then of course, but the victims were always boys.

When I hit puberty (or it hit me) those dreams began to have very sexually explicit content. I was an early developer. You know one of those girls who went around with folded arms to hide her breasts. Fourth grade was way to early.

I didn't connect the fantasies with real relationships until my boyfriend and I started playing with bondage and S&M. We started because he brought us a copy of Joy of Sex. We were both strangely attracted to the same pages. That was 16 or so.

Given that I do nothing but submit these days it's ironic that fantasizing about and/or being tortured is a relatively late development. I discovered I liked that while switching with the same boyfriend. He really preferred sub mode though and mostly I domed for him.
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"Is Sex dirty? Only if it's done right." Woody Allen

[quietlisten]

My interests in BDSM and girls developed in lock step with each other in predictable relation to the cocktail of chemicals my body was producing. They are so intertwined in my mind that I think of ending up with a passive, demure woman as settling for FAR less than what I deserve. As a product of a household with Quaker, Catholic, and Southern Baptist influences, though, emotional warfare is my natural state.

I've never been quite clear on the BDSM / Feminization link, though. They seemed to develop at the same time starting at puberty and are tightly linked to sexuality, but not 100%. This makes it even HARDER to accept them in an odd sort of way, impossible to toss aside as artifacts of hormonal peaks and ebbs. There is a baseline there that I can't explain.

To the point of sexual activity, I was -- how to put this -- repressed. I was living in another state from my parents, fully self-supporting, and working on a graduate degree before I finally stopped "holding my breath." I have wondered if this emotional straightjacket didn't demand the growth of a rich fantasy life. My sexual outlet was developing stories and inventing worlds and social structures. To this day, sex is something that happens in the bedroom but is part of a much larger context.

Wow. Reading my note I think I just described someone likely to end up over 40 and never married. *gasp*

Quietlisten