Fetish Lore

[Myles]

I thought Richard had posted something here about conditioning, but when I came back to reply to it after giving it some thought, I couldn't find it. My apologies if this is duplicated elsewhere.

Note to dominants: If you decide to try conditioning, I urge you to think it through, as it may possibly have ramifications in other areas of the submissive’s life, especially if you train him to show a specific behavior associated with a certain word or phrase. Also, if it is a play partner, rather than a longer-term relationship, be aware that this sort of conditioning can very much deepen the bond that the submissive feels toward you. I am by no means the authority in this area. I am simply describing my experience. Take it at face value. Your experience and results may differ.

I employ various forms of conditioning with both my submissive and my slave, and very much enjoy it. It's something I started doing very early on in my explorations into BDSM, and have refined and continued as I've gone on. I'll probably offend someone with this analogy, but in order to explain what I do and how I do it, you need a peek into how my head works.

From a very young age, I did a lot of work with animals, especially horses and dogs. I found that the best way to effectively train new behaviors was to be calm, confident, quietly dominant, and patient. It requires a lot of repetition, and reward of small progress, as well as quick appropriate discouragement of undesirable behaviors. It also requires a very focused attention to small details such as body language, changes in breathing, pupil size, skin temperature, and vocalizations. When I began to get more into actually training submissive males, not simply playing with them, I found that I got the best results if I used the same techniques I'd used to train animals.

One technique I routinely employ to condition a submissive to enjoy something I like that he may originally find distasteful or uncomfortable is to do the activity that I want to encourage him to enjoy in conjunction with something I know that arouses him and causes the same reaction that I want to condition him to display.

For example, I had a submissive that would tolerate strapon play only because it was something I enjoy doing. Although “forced” anal play is enjoyable, I wanted it to be something that he was comfortable with and enjoyed. To achieve that result, I began by binding him and teasing him by doing things that aroused him… playing with his nipples, stroking his cock, tugging on his balls, spanking him, etc. When he was erect, squirming in pleasure, and completely focused on the pleasurable sensations I was giving him, I began stroking his rim with a gloved, well lubed finger, and slowly worked that finger into his ass. The entire time, I continued to do all those things I’d started with to arouse him. As I penetrated him, there was a lessening of his erection, so I kept the finger in his ass still, and focused more on increasing his arousal. I continued for quite some time, increasing the depth of penetration, and the fucking action, slowing or stopping only when his arousal decreased.

After several similar sessions, increasing the length and width of penetration, he showed the results I wanted – becoming erect and aroused at just the mention of strapon play. Of course, the entire time I was conditioning him, I was speaking to him in a low voice, repeatedly telling him how much I enjoyed his reaction, how aroused it made me to be penetrating his ass, how much I was going to enjoy fucking him, as well as describing to him in detail how his very visible arousal was affecting me and pleasing me.

I’ve found that the most effective method of conditioning is to use positive physical reinforcement along with repetitive verbal encouragement given in a low, soothing voice. This is especially effective if the submissive is in subspace, and made to repeat key phrases until his response to a certain stimulus becomes automatic. I’ve also used negative physical reinforcement, but have found that although it is effective in the short term, it tends not to produce a lasting result or to alter more base reactions. In some ways, the old adage “you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar” holds true. Conditioning that has a pleasure association rather than one of pain is more easily incorporated into new behaviors.
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No bird soars too high, if he soars with his own wings. –William Blake

[RichardEvansLee]

Sorry, after posting it here I decided to move it to Down On My Knees. But only because I thought it might make some folks squeamish.

Many thanks for replying.
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Female Led Relationships - Femdom Romance - Femdom Dating

[snarkly71]

I read this and I admit I had a very physical response to what you said. It brought back so many intense memories, and beautiful ones at that.

My lovely former owner was very talented at doing this very thing, and even harder... by doing it online and at a distance. You have hit on so many key things here -

Yes, its not something to be done lightly. These are deep things which remain a long long long time after you might go, so don't ever do anything which might be damaging or embarrasing to the sub. These are things which should be mutually pleasurable for both of you, so in a way... if you two move on, they have gained something beautiful that will always be there for them. I still think of it as one of the most beautiful experiences in my life and I go mooshy at the thought of what she did for me. See, thats the thing. I think of it, and I love her more for it ... there shouldn't be any regret or bad feeling when conditioning is involved.

As i've said before, I am a pup... so the animal analogy works perfectly. It is really the same, and hence my stance on "human puppy play". She knew I'd do anything she wanted for her, but she wanted ME to want it, to crave it and that gave her great pleasure... knowing I'd actively crave things I hadn't liked before. She put the idea of golden showers in my head when that was an "ugh" and now well... if people talk about it I go all gooey. I know that wasn't an innate desire that was in me, and while I can understand intellectually all sorts of power exchange reasons for liking it, newp, in my heart I know its because I hear a little bell in my head and turn to mush.

She did all the things you've said. Getting me to a warm happy place, then introducing something which I wasn't overly responsive to. Always calm, collective, not overly forceful.. just quietly dominant. Showing a supreme confidence in herself without being overbearing. Just... definite. Repetitive. Always loving, gentle, kind, making me feel good about it, then telling me how pleased she was, how much it excited her to see me like that. That was always a killer, being in such a warm space and then feeling slightly slutty about it... then her telling me how much it excited her, a feed back loop... I see that thing, hear those words, and I feel the pleasure I was having at the time so the two intermingle, and feeling how it aroused her.

I am sure there were notable small things I've overlooked in ways she conditioned me, but the one I always think of is my attitude towards men. I am sure I was always bi-curious somewhere, but never had brought it up. She let me stroke myself, enjoy myself then introduced a video of a boy with a masturbation machine. Just suggested i watch it over and over as I stroked myself, then described it in detail to me, so i didnt miss a thing (I am reacting just thinking of it)... the minute details so i was lost in it, and her words and the feeling. This happened slowly again and again to the point she'd suggest why dont you go masturbate and pop your video on, so the two people entwined in my head. Little comments to remind me. Slowly over time... Well, I'd ask if i could watch the video. Even now... If I could choose between masturbating to watching a video of a guy or a woman masturbating... I'd choose a man. It is so much more intense, and its NOT because of a greater physical attracton for me. I think it also helped that it trained/conditioned something which wasnt totally alien to my character (i.e. it wasnt a limit just a... yeah i'd do that for you).

It's kind of funny. When I first commented on this she said thats because I conditioned you (which I found incredibly erotic to be told that, that she had deliberately done that to me and I loved it), so I jokingly changed my description to pavlov's puppy. She just said simply "rings a bell" and I instantly went hard. Even though we aren't together now.. She can still say those three words and get the same reaction to me. I have to admit I love it...

[RichardEvansLee]