Fetish Lore

[RichardEvansLee]

Some tops confess freely the issues they that they cope with. Others feel that allowing doubts into the open will lessen them in the eyes of others. But whether it is escaping the clutches of social norms or perhaps having the primary burden of keeping things: tops are people too.

Have any of you faced any of this:

Gaining Self-Acceptance

Regardless of the power and control they may eventually come to enjoy with their submissive life mates and play partners some dominants pass through a phase when they struggle with their needs and cravings.

Was it a struggle to face your dominance, your sadism?

Are you still struggling with this kind of emotional turmoil?

Fear of Losing Balance

As a top you take pride in enacting your role wisely. And take great care of one who has surrendered so much to you.

Do you ever fear it is a questionable addiction? Perhaps one day you will push too far or expect more than is wise?

Addiction to Adoration

You enjoy the loving adoration of your submissive person, slave – bottom. You cherish and care for the one who has freely given you devotion. The humble look in his or her eye is one of the supreme delights of your life.

Have you ever had the niggling worry or nagging fear that their worship will become too important to your self-esteem?

(7/20 - I posted an somewhat different, much longer version of this elsewhere: Tops: Self-Acceptance, Self-Control, BDSM Addiction.)
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Female Led Relationships - Femdom Romance - Femdom Dating

[femelle]

I've had several fears. The affection one hit home for me, because I'm a very affectionate person. I worry sometimes that my affection towards a sub would make me seem submissive. Is it so wrong to want to make the sub happy also?

I've had fears of continuing to push even after I've been told no, only to find out later that he was really serious, and he was not going to do it. In a situation like that I feel like I'd cower away and wonder why I wasn't picking up on it, and feel dumb when I finally stop and say "Well why the hell not?!" and try to figure out what exactly is making him so defiant.

More recently I've taken on a paranoia that what he's doing or saying is not genuine, but part of an act because that's how he tries to make himself feel more submissive (and me more dominant) when he isn't really feeling it. That stems completely from the realization that my ex was doing that (though it wasn't confirmed by him).
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Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator.

[JustMiss]

I was very worried right before he came out to visit me. I felt like we didn't know each other well enough. I felt like I didn't have a good grasp on why he was coming to visit, exactly. I even worried about him getting on the plane for a few days.

Mostly, the visit was just to see how we got along in person. I wanted to make sure there was a connection once we both got away from the computer. I wanted to make sure that I could be as Dominant when I had him right in front of me as I can when I'm using a messenger or don't have to see his facial expressions for everything I say.

I did let him know my doubts. I regretted letting him know, but it turned out to be just fine. In my telling him all of these things, he told me what he was afraid of in turn.

Everything turned out just fine. Better than I anticipated actually. Now we're planning for another visit with more D/s to it rather than just the mild playing around.

[Myles]

this post is very thought provoking, and I think may end up being a blog post for me, with a brief synopsis once I get a chance to mull it over.
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No bird soars too high, if he soars with his own wings. –William Blake

[Kyle Roberts]

Some woman doimnate to escape thier emotions or the negative voice in their head (generated by their parents and others)

[quesera]

[Sensual Sadist]

[lavender scorpion]

[switch]

[Mistress160]

I agree with Lavender Scorpion and Switch. The idea of Domming while angry or unfocused is utterly repellent to me. As Lavender Scorpion says, Domming is "not about escaping ... it's about being completely present".
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Mistress160

"Ms160's [blog] offers education, sensuality, testimonials from subs + a wide array of resources suitable for everyone interested in BDSM (from connoisseur to novice)" DarkScribe ABH

[RichardEvansLee]

[quesera]

I agree with lavender scorpion. When I feel most dominating with my partner, I also feel most confident and emotionally healthy. I am expressing and validating an important, positive part of myself, entering into and seeking deep emotions, not escaping them. I hear no negative voices.

When I am in a poorer emotional state, discouraged, sad, angry, frustrated, or self-doubting, that is when I am least likely to have dominating feelings or impulses. At those times I rather need understanding and encouragement from my partner, not a passive submission. I need him to take the reins, provide support and a listening ear, and remind me that along with my confidence, my dominant feelings are sure to return.

I don't see a dominant or submissive nature as a tool or a means to an end. They are better thought of as personality traits, unique features in oneself to be embraced, explored, and hopefully, expressed within a loving relationship.
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~~QueSera


"On ruins one can begin to build. Anyhow, looking out from ruins one clearly sees; there are no obstructing walls." ~~ Rose Macaulay

[RichardEvansLee]

[lavender scorpion]

{quote="quesera"]When I am in a poorer emotional state, discouraged, sad, angry, frustrated, or self-doubting, that is when I am least likely to have dominating feelings or impulses.[/quote]

YES! and that is when I'm likely to hear negative voices.. which speak absolutely nothing of BDSM or D/s

[Myles]

I’ve written some about my first struggles with BDSM, and my sadism here.

I’ve also put up a much longer post inspired by this discussion topic here.